Forgive me Mother, for I have sinned

It has been over three decades since my last confession. I have taken the lords name in vane, one.. no two, Jesus - I bet ten thousand times. I have had impure thoughts towards women (except on the boat, as that was NOT a sexy place). I have lied, although I tried not to. I don't believe in the father, the son or the holy ghost. Most egregiously though, I have caused my friends to unwittingly participate in competitions of swine. You see Mother, I was weak. Me and the swine have a special relationship and he had forsaken me during my long days at sea. I asked 10 of my friends to write an Ode to Strip Bacon so that I may longingly nibble on their kind wordy gifts to slake my unearthly hunger for the magical animal. Knowing that at least two of them would be too.. ahem.. busy for my trivial needs, I was surely to be left with eight contestants. I put their names in a hat and set up a single elimination, three round, head to head competition. Now I understand why the demonic, winged David with a sling shot of fiery damnation was sent to slay me for my hubris.... It should have been a round robin. In any event, my little ruse was cut short after but one round of literary tastiness. Oh the succulent loveliness that came back... Except for one person who I will not name here (Roisin) who got absolutely destroyed by her opponent (the table) for her decidedly tasteless response:

Bacon

B for bum fat
A for aorta blockage
C for colon cancer
O for organ failure
N for nasty

If I wasn't on a French keyboard right now this nameless person would get a tongue lashing1

Fair is fair though, even you can see that? Well, probably not.

Anywho, the winner of the first and last The Cloven Word: Literary Donations for lonely sailors to chew on (now with 100 percent less sodium) is Jeh.

Ode to Strip Bacon

O strip of bacon,
you salty tidbit.
I can't stop eating you
thou art the shiznit.

O strip of bacon,
you metero yuppy.
You multi-task my meal,
you are the king of my suppy.

O strip of bacon,
Other dishes tremble at your might,
Yet you crumble in my salad
no need to put up fight

O strip of bacon,
you the king of the snacka.
A condiment and a meal,
a sidekick and a hero, like the mighty Chewbacca.

Jeh will be enjoying something special from Tahiti, brought home with special love. This special something will be made even more special as soon as I liberate from its special hiding place (store). I sure hope its special.

I love my friends.

Thanks to everyone except for the one person who tried to rain on my parade (Roisin). BOO.